Wreckage of the past.

The wreckage shines so brilliantly, captivating those who are easily diverted by even a small flicker. It will engulf the whole of you leaving you with only a slight chance to continue existing at all. Knowing this, you are still compelled to waste your sights along with your hindsight just to get a closer look. After the pure view has traveled from your eyes to your mind and then scratched its way into your soul, your scars turn to fresh wounds and then your confidence to uncertainty. This illusion catches you off guard every time though you know it is there lurking in the shadows of your past.  

 

I may as well have been drowning as a child because when that full force wave of life came in and took my little body, its cruel and unforgiving undertow rushed over me pounding every inch of life out of my lungs and heart as it continued to callously thrash against my soul, throwing me from one hardship to the next without so much as a breath to be taken or a helping hand to grip. Quickly did I learn to swim, yet I am still learning to fly.

 

Sometimes I feel wedged in the past. Like no matter how madly I run around banging my angry fists on every surface and wall that comes about, I cannot escape it. It jerks me in and engulfs my mind with every thought grasping onto me more firmly then the last until it has fully overcome the version of myself in which I have come to be. My past exposes a vulnerability that can drop me to my knees in an instant, knowing where I have come from and still fighting to prevail over these lurking memories has been the endeavor of my lifetime. It is not often I feel at ease, I lie in wait for the damage that has been done to truly set in and I mustn’t let these horrid events be set free for then I would no longer be bound to the tragedies that fashioned my current being. 

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9 thoughts on “Wreckage of the past.

  1. i am sorry for your hardships, but feel compelled to add that although our past and circumstances influence a great deal about us and our lives, we are not our pasts. we are not our circumstances. if we think we are, then we remain helpless. we have a choice in how we move forward. taking the reality of where we came from, what we have experienced and then creating something new. i wish you all the best. you are strong and brave and clearly see hope even in the darkness.

    • Thank you very much for your heartfelt words. I am working through my past and probably will continue to do so throughout my life. I know I am not my past self now but I carry my past and all of the lessons life has brought my way with me as a reminder of how far I have come and to continue to use those lessons while building my future self. 🙂

  2. “For then I would no longer be bound to
    the tragedies that fashioned my current being.”
    I understand this truth Naomi. Beautifully written.

  3. I am glad I read through your pages. I feel like that even though I have escaped my past. It catches up with me from time to time and it has done recently. Keep writing you are doing a wonderful job. My poetry reflects some of the turmoil in my life.

  4. This has a lot of soul, your writing is very relatable and well stated. I look forward to reading a lot more of your writing.

  5. “I mustn’t let these horrid events be set free for then I would no longer be bound to the tragedies that fashioned my current being”. Wow that’s a powerful statement, yet at the same time a just as powerful realisation – you are on the way.
    I often turn to Rumi for inspiration:

    “It’s good to leave each day behind, like flowing water, free of sadness.
    Yesterday is gone and its tale told.
    Today new seeds are growing.”
    (Rumi)

    Stay strong and observe, and “smile, breathe and go slowly” (Thich Nhat-Hanh).
    Ciara.

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