To My Daughter.

To my dear K.D,

My child, my world, we struggle. I know that you may not remember me, the person who sits here in this moment writing to you, not the person I will become as you and I grow side by side. We all seek answers about our lives and our pasts as we get older and you should be aware that some questions just cannot be answered to the degree we would like. I am 23 years old and you are 3. You are young and full of life and energy, as am I. we are making our way in this world together, not perfectly by any means but the only way we know how.

Everything in our apartment is my size and there is a smaller your size pink version of each thing, the kitchen and then your little pink kitchen, our dinner table and chairs and your miniature white and pink table and chairs, my big and very useful vacuum and again your smaller less useful vacuum, my laptop resting on the arm of the couch and your little pink laptop computer sitting right next to mine. When I look around our home and I see everything I have and I see that you have all of the matching things fit for you and I realize that the same applies to you and I as people. When you look up I am the one you see, mommy always walking around in her sweatshirt with her hood up and when I look behind me and there you are, following step by step in your little pink sweatshirt with your hood up, I smile then you smile and we carry on.  Sometimes my time is all I have to give you, and I do the best I can to recognize all of that time is more precious and worthy then you or I will probably ever realize.

You said to me this evening as we were in the car driving home from your nana’s house that you were going to live me nana and uncle Johnny, when I asked you why you explained “because you are going to leave me and move out and ill have to live with them” I quickly responded “honey I will never leave you or move away from you I love you and you are my whole world, why would you think that?” you replied “because moms leave” I nearly cried and found myself speechless for a moment then we had a long talk about what it means to be a mother and a daughter and this is all I can say…

I am only human, though sometimes I believe that being a mother makes some woman more like Superhero’s. Just the same, I do get overwhelmed from time to time, I curse in front of you only to hear it repeated back to me in a smaller more adorable voice followed by my feelings of guilt and shame for letting frustrations get the best of me in the moment. I have forgotten important things here and there and made due with what we had. I have fed you way too much Mac ’N cheese and spaghetti O’s after late nights at work. I have kept you up far past your typical bedtime just to fit a little extra time into the day to spend with you. I have let you sleep in late, or maybe I was just letting myself sleep in a little which then caused our schedule to be way off and made for a rough day or two getting back on track. I have let you get away with more mischief then I probably should have and I have yelled at you in the heat of the moment forgetting that you are just three, but I have always been there for you, I have held you every time you cried, taught you to shake it off when you fall down or get “only a little” hurt, put band-aids on your skinned knees and scraped elbows, put ice on your goose eggs, built forts as big as our living room, had tea parties and dance parties, baked cookies or made cupcakes with you for every holiday or even just because we wanted to, laughed so hard tickling you, watching and listening to you laugh that I probably came close to peeing my pants, spent mornings, evenings and even days at the beach or park or just cuddling on the couch watching cartoons and eating junk food with you. You have spent hours talking and I have spent hours listening and vise versa. I held your hand on your first day of school and told you that it was going to be great, and indeed it was. I tell you I love you several times a day even when you are grumpy and tell me you don’t love me, I hug you and kiss you until you giggle, I clean up your messes and thank goodness sometimes you even help. We are learning together to be thankful for everything we have in this life and cherish all of what we each find to be important and I am enjoying every moment of it. I will never leave you, I will always be your mommy I will always be the best I can be for you and you will always be my little girl my, whole world, the reason I wake up every morning, my pride, my joy and truly my everything.

You are an amazing child, so capable and independent yet loving and sweet at the same time. You are intelligent and clever and a real social butterfly so talkative and opinionated even at just three and sometimes you can be a bit of a diva.  You are compassionate and realistic with an imaginative side and a tender heart.  You have tremendous goals and aspirations especially for a 3 year old. You are respectful and polite while also being exuberant and entertaining. Simply put, you my child, are beautiful inside and out.

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52 thoughts on “To My Daughter.

  1. You give her what she needs: safety, security, friendship, experience, yourself. When she needs its she will come and take your love and simply give you hers as though it were the most natural thing she could ever think of doing. I never had children. My wife and I have dogs and cats. Perhaps if I had had a Mother such as yourself that worries how well she does, I might have had more an urge to have children instead of fearing not knowing what to do. But I like/love my dogs–and cats too.>KB

    • Hello KB,
      First of all thank you for reading my blog and following me. secondly I appreciate your kind words more than you know. children are a blessing and honestly I worry about how i am doing as a mother very often for many reasons. I did not have the best example of a mothering as I was growing up but I have learned many things from my expierence in childhood and i know many of the “what not to do” things now while raising my own child. in your previous comment you said you were “classic Bipolar” as am I and its always nice to meet someone who understands. I use my writing as my tool for stability and I put all of the madness onto paper so that life on the outside is not so overwhelming for me on the day to day. Thank you for your support and i look forward to cating up with your blog soon, i have read a few pieces and you are a beautiful writing.

      • Thank you. Ypou comments were very gracious. I wrote seriously in college then life and didn’t start writing again until last July. I work 12-36 hours at a time doing something with writing, even if only looking at Pinterest. Look forward to reading more of your things as well. I don’t usually have the patience to read long prose pieces online, but yours was very insightful and before I knew it I was done.>KB

      • You are very lucky to have so much time to keep up on your writing again, life gets in the way of many things but i find the longer i go without writing the more i have to say when i do finally sit down to write. i crave the beauty in life, struggles and joy alike because it provides me with something to write about. 🙂

      • I have had over 35 years of experiences and mellowing to allow me to write what I do. Without writing now I would rather be dead. I am working very hard to try and get two books published.I cannot get individual poems accepted.But I think that my poetry needs to be seen as a whole thing to really appreciate what is there. I am not being egotistic, but I kjnow good writing.

  2. “Just the same, I do get overwhelmed from time to time, I curse in front of you only to hear it repeated back to me in a smaller more adorable voice …” Hahaha. Priceless truthfulness there. And a priceless blog entry. Love is what it is and no one ever said it was pretty or perfect.
    I appreciate the like on my blog and look forward to more of your entr
    Ellespeth

    • Ellespeth, Honesty is where i thrive in my view, my emotions and my words. thank you so much for reading and responding to my work, motherhood is a difficult job at times and i find myself wondering more often then not how i am doing, i am aware at this point that love is not pretty or perfect but it is beautiful in every flaw.

  3. wonderful. I read much of this when i first saw your posts and meant to leave comments but got frustrated with my annoyingly slow and awful computer (I think it has a personal vendeta against me as my wife never has a problem with it!). Coincidentally, my initials are K.D. and I would have loved a letter like this from my folks. It is a beautiful and engaging piece that is seeped in honesty and promise. Any parent, myself included, would have been proud to have written it. Thank you, kind regards, Baldy 🙂

  4. What a lovely letter you’ve written. I can relate to so much of what you say, being a parent really is sometimes a struggle but the rest of the time makes up for all that. She’s a lucky little girl.

  5. This is one of the most touching writes I have read. Its seldom that tears threaten to spill from my eyes otherwise. I lost my mom when I was 5. Perhaps she too wanted me to understand that “mom’s never really leave.”
    Wish you the very best, to your lovely daughter too.

  6. Goosebumps! You make my heart sing…as BOTH a mother and a daughter 🙂 Beautiful mirrors our daughters are, for all that we love about ourselves and all that we do not…the ultimate invitation to change and to grow…

  7. One of my good friends,Jen,used to say that she wondered if she was going to screw up her kids. Now, as they are older and she has weathered some storms- she wonders to what degree she will screw them up – knowing for sure, that no one is perfect, but you give it your best. Some moments are better than others. your daughter knows that she is loved. Beautiful post.

  8. Such a beautiful post! My own children are well past being just three and oh so wee – yet your words pull me back to a time of wonder and delight in my life and theirs. Three is the seed of what will be. There are times even now that they are (barely!) adults I see the little three-year-old peeking out grinning with mischief and brimming with life, laughter and love.

  9. Dear Naomi, Thank you for following my poetry blog. I was touched by the depth of your expression for your beautiful daughter. I am just now focusing on learning how to use my WordPress Blog so the jumble of poetry I have written will have a clearer focus. I’m using my ListeningSpirit blog as a technical learning ground for developing another business blog.

    Here’s a poem about you and your daughter (to her) inspired by reading your beautiful, touching and vulnerable post above:

    You are my mirror
    we are bound
    by more
    than blood, bone, and genes
    it’s the heart connection that is strongest
    yet, there’s something more
    it’s the infinite love
    that flows between us
    we are mirrors
    each with our own reflections
    yet one
    in one another
    my love is deep and personal
    yet there’s more
    it’s the flow of the universe
    as seen in your soul.

    One more thing: Your writing will be an extraordinary gift to your daughter as she grows to understand the role of a mother. While I am male, my own history has given me a deep sensitivity for the feminine – both in woman on this earth and the Divine Feminine, which I am still, of course, learning about.

    Keep your heart flowing through your words………….
    All best wishes,
    Noel

    • Noel, Thank you so much for your genuine words. Your poem is beautiful and I appreicate you taking the time to read and respond to my writing. I am sorry it has taken me a little while to respond as i have been working 6 days a week and have lots of things going on. With work, home, and an energetic four year old i have found myself pretty worn out these last couple weeks.

      All the best to you on your journey and i am glad we can journy on in our lives side by side on wordpress. 🙂

      -Naomi

  10. Our children are our hearts! they are are our joy and also our sorrow! They give us many pleasures, yet often they give us pain. That is the way of the world, past or present. Be patient friend. They will always return…

  11. Parentood really is like that: the joy, the fear. Having your heart outside your body and walk around the world. You captured the mystery, beauty and anxiety of having a little person’s life entwined in yours. Thank you for sharing.

  12. This is a beautiful letter and has brought tears to my eyes, for many, many reasons. I’ve just started dealing with my partner’s bipolar diagnose and reading this and thinking of their relationship with their daughter has really touched my heart. Beautiful post!

    And I think this sums it up perfectly: “I will always be your mommy I will always be the best I can be for you and you will always be my little girl my, whole world, the reason I wake up every morning, my pride, my joy and truly my everything.”

  13. Thank you for following me.
    what a beautiful letter to your little girl …she will grow and change and grow some more but know that your love shines through for her and that is how you will know that no matter what mistakes you make she will be ok….I am looking forward to catching up on your other posts. 🙂

  14. A honest and beautiful letter that leaves the heart a little lighter for knowing that common experiences of how children move us can bring us all closer.

  15. Very moving memoir here. Your daughter will cherish that all of her life, I’m sure. The highest compliment I can give you is that you make me wish with all my heart that I’d had children. 🙂

  16. Touching love from mother and child, if only these pleasure happen in every child’s life… Then the world would be changed for better not worse.

  17. They say mother’s who worry about being a good mother ARE in fact good mothers as all they are wanting to do is strive to be the best for their child.

    I love the idea of a letter to your daughter, when I have children I want to write for them!

  18. They say mother’s who worry about being a good mother ARE in fact good mothers as all they are wanting to do is strive to be the best for their child.

    I love the idea of a letter to your daughter, when I have children I want to write for them!

  19. Oh my. I absolutely loved this! Anything having to do with daughters has me at hello. My daughter is 25 and at my baby shower for her (before she was born) I was given a little silver book. The directions were to write in it while I was still pregnant and then… the first year. Filling it with all her milestones and my prayers and dreams for her. I planned to give it to her at a special time.
    I wrote in it about imagining her reading it someday when she was a beautiful young woman.
    Your comments about a mother never leaving were so sweet. But eventually our beautiful daughters must leave us. Of course, not the appropriate conversation to have with your little girl now. It would just confuse her. Smile.
    But when my daughter left for school, I tucked that little silver book in her boxes as she was moving.
    One rainey day she called me crying. She said she’d found the book and read the whole thing, in one afternoon sitting in her closet. I told her how I’d pictured her reading it someday even when I was still pregnant.
    This is such a sweet time for you. Enjoy it! Thank you for stopping by my blog! I can’t wait to follow yours!

  20. That was the SWEETEST letter from mother to child that I have ever read. I felt your love for her as I was reading your letter!! That was wonderful. God bless you and your saving grace! ❤

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